Why Should
I Enjoy Marriage?
Ephesians 5:31-32
· This is a marriage sermon, it’s
coming on the heels of our Men’s Conference Friday night…I usually do this once
a year:
o
Check
in with God’s people
o
Mainly
because we want to be proactive not reactive
· OK, also, a couple of book reminders:
o
This Momentary Marriage is available free on PDF
o
You
have to pony up for: When Sinners Say I
Do
· So, what do you hope for in a
marriage sermon?
o
Practical
tips to success?
o
Love
languages?
o
Love
& Respect?
o
Men
are from Mars, Women from Venus?
o
If
we’re not careful, we’ll just want a list of things to do
o
Instead,
here’s where I’m going to go…:
· The biblical truth is this:
o
We
are sooo selfish we can barely see tip, of the tip, of the iceberg
o
That’s
why most people spend little time really praying through what Scripture has to
say about marriage, or any topic relating to the Christian life
o
We
all have [or had], we all have dreams for marriage that seem so beautiful and so
convincing, that we don’t stop to consider that God’s dreams for us
may be different.
§ Did you really think through the
whole of Scripture as a foundation?
§ Or, did you think more along the
lines of a Soap Opera?
o
The
fact is, the difficult spouse [as you see them] that God has given you IS the good that you need in your sanctification
– you’re becoming more like Jesus
· One big point today: Marriage is
first and foremost a powerful testimony and display of the truths of the gospel
· Pray
TEXT
· The apostle Paul says some things
need to happen for marriage to mirror the gospel:
· Leave and hold fast [or cleave]
o
Leave
father and mother
§ Because we cannot display the Bride
and the Bridegroom as four to six people
§ We leave because it presents Jesus,
it’s about Jesus
ð Jesus left His position for the good
of the Bride
ð We leave the unity of family to
display the Bride
§ καταλείπω – leave behind with a sense of
finality
§ Physically, emotionally, practically
§ Advice from parents is now a
secondary avenue, not a primary
§ Your spouse is now your primary
source of godly input [after Scripture, that’s just a given]
ð
If you run to your parents about your spouse Scripture
calls this slander
ð
And parents, if you listen to it is gossip
ð
Now, I’m not talking about real abuse
v the cap on
the toothpaste is not abuse
v It’s not
mental torture
§ Years ago I had a mom call me asking
me to tell her 20 year old not to marry someone because they would be
disobeying their parents
§ This is not the context of (Ephesians
6:1-3)!
ð Let’s not use human precepts instead
of biblical ones
ð i.e.: “They’re not old enough…”
ð What constitutes that?
ð Maturity – yeah, maybe
ð Dan and I get asked this often, “How
can you let them get married?”
v 1. We have no biblical reason
v 2. How about trusting God?
ð What if that means their marriage
will be hard?
ð What makes you think God’s dreams are
not exactly that?
ð Those of you who know a little of
Shelly’s’ and my story – it is exactly that
o
Hold
fast
§ προσκολλάω – be to adhere to closely, be
faithfully devoted to, join
§ “of a sword
sticking to the hand of a valiant warrior with the blood of his slain enemies”
– Josephus
§ No matter
how hard we’re going to hold to each other
§ Christians
don’t divorce over anything other than adultery or abandonment by an
unbelieving spouse
§ Why?
§ Because
that is how Jesus holds me. Right?
§ He’s saying
you’re mine
§ When we
hold fast we display Jesus
o I think
that’s what leads us to:
· Become one flesh
o One flesh
is more than sex – although it includes it
§ Therefore:
because of what this relationship represents and needs to become, that is why
you have to leave your parents in order to
become one
§ “The Apostle is saying, in other words, that
when a man gets married he enters into a new unity that breaks former
relationships.” [1]
o Are you
growing in your relationship with your spouse [I mean really growing], or, are
you residents sharing the same address?
§ What does
this really mean to grow to become one?
§ What do you
spend most of your time talking about?
§ Husbands,
what are your spiritual goals for your wife?
ð
#1 goal, have her under the sound of the gospel
§ Wives, how
do you encourage your husband in the Lord?
§ Together, What
are your fears and hopes?
o “When we
consider the fact that this intimate sexual act, is here, placed in a context
of love so deep, so self-sacrificing, so tender and pure that this love is patterned
after that of Christ for His church” [2]
o That is why
Paul says:
· This mystery is profound, and I am
saying that it refers to Christ and the church
o
Profound
§ Love this deep, and this selfless is
profound
§ It’s not natural, it’s supernatural
§ Marriage was not meant to make you
happy, it was to make you holy
§ It is this profound [although
imperfect] display of Jesus’ love as lived out by two sinners that is God’s
dream for you
o
So
why is this such a struggle?
§ Primarily three things: my spouse
becomes an idol, idolatry of my own self, and a lack of honesty before God and
others
§ Idolatry of a spouse
ð Your spouse
is not your savior, Jesus is [x2]
ð My spouse is never going to be able
to make me happy in the way Jesus can and should
ð Am I grateful for who they are, or
lamenting who they are not?
§ Idolatry of self
ð Do I really love as Christ?
ð Look back at verse (:29)
v I know how to love myself
v It’s like looking at two 2-year olds
playing. No one needs to teach them to be selfish, right?
ð Perspective test: Would you give your
spouse you if YOU had
to choose?
ð This sermon was so hard to write at
times
ð Why was it important to ask that
question? Because I need to be willing to be honest
§ Lack of honesty
ð We really don’t value these commands
as we pretend to, so I think of myself much higher than I ought to
ð I want the gospel to wash over my
failures, but not move me to obedience
ð Example: If I had a son-in-law who
said…
ð Or, if I said, I’m not moved to stop
stealing…
ð The reality is we grade sin, do we
really care…?
o
Your
marriage is more of a reflection of your walk with Christ than you want to
admit
§ What we believe about: grace
§ Forgiveness
§ Love
§ Patience
§ People don’t live what they profess,
they live what they believe
o
What
we truly believe about the nature of God’s loving character is revealed in ours
o
So…
· Ultimately, if we do not enjoy God,
we cannot enjoy marriage
o
The
to do list in the beginning, this is why you would want to do those
o
(1
John 4:20) ‘If anyone says, “I love God,”
and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom
he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.’
o
Now
some practical:
§ A big moment is not what will fix
your marriage
§ There is never a time when you need
to respond poorly
ð Well, my spouse made me angry
ð My spouse makes me irritable, NO:
ð (Luke 6:45) “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good,
and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the
abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
§ This is who I am, remember – honesty
o
How
do I combat this?
§ I need to start with repentance,
repent and believe
§ The gospel:
ð Christ’s sovereign, unrelenting,
passionate, pursuing love for me, moment by moment, in spite of all my sin
ð Not counting against me
ð He’s not holding it in front of me
ð He’s never angry with me
§ That allows me to love patiently,
faithfully, joyfully
§ And God’s sovereign grace assures me
that ultimately I can’t mess this up
o
So,
I’ll leave you with this thought, “For the glory of God, what one area of your
marriage (or if you’re single a relationship)…what one area will you seek to
prayerfully change today? – For the glory of God
o
In
this you WILL find
joy
o
Let’s
pray
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